Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
