Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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