Got a toothbrush?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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