Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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