so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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