So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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