We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
