do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
