i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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