its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
