upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
