I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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