Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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