i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
