Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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