you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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