it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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