Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
