I will die if light touches me.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
