How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
