I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
