I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
