once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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