Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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