She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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