I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
