Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
