You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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