Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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