My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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