i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
