so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
