i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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