its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The air was thick with penises
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
