I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
