i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
