I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
