he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
