Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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