I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
