sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
