everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
