I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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