I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's rum buckets o'clock
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
