guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
