Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
