woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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