Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
