Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
