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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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