there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
