saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
