If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
